when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
