ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drunk is a universal language darling
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
