I'm so fucking centered right now
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
