We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
