Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think i have herpe
just one?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
