dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
