Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize