i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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