You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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