I just gift wrapped bread.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
