Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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