Whod you bang
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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