it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just found puke in my bra..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
