So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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