yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
