Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
