CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
