i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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