girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
whose parrot is this?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
