It's Friday. Sex?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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