any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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