I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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