Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize