I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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