I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
