dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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