totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
