i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize