god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
More tranny stories later!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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