I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
