the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
