i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
