Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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