I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize