A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
