Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
