heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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