I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
