Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
