I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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