And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize