I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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