Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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