Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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