Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
