we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
