You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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