why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
