I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
