Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
