Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
