Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
