Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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