I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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