I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
