Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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