Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
