Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
