I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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