Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
