she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
