Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
