Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
