Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize