There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
