we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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