when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize