But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
