Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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